When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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