Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
