sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize