i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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