okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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