so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
