I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
