Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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