Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
