Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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