Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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