So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
