So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize