I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
