well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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