the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
