So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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