I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
