Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
