I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize