if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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