do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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