So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
