you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
