Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
