i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
