Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize