paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize