I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
