hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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