apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
