the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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