At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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