I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
