and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
