I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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