Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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