omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
