Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize