So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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