Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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