sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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