Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
