I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize