it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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