I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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