We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
