i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
