Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
