I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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