I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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