Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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