Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
