Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sext me about skeletons
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
