No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
