can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
