So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
