She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
