You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
