batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
pray to the hookup gods
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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