i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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