so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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