just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
