I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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