He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
