one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
