There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
