she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
