Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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