and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Success! We fucked roommates!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
