let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
