i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
