I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
