I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
