I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
