on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
