I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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