And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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