I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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