We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
