i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize