Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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