dude i'm inner monologue high
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
