I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
