sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
