Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
