if i can run in heels then i can drive
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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