Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
