sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
