We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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