ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if only i could text you this smell
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
