I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize