I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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