my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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