dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
