I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
