the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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