I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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