How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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