when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
