why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This baby is an asshole
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
