The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize