Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
