It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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