haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
