First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
