when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
