Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
