Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
