I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
