i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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